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Why I Hate Baby Boomers, Reason #137
So the other day I’m stuck in a meeting, trying to decide whether it’s appropriate to hang a framed photo of me playing volleyball with Saddam Hussein on my cubicle wall, when the discussion turns to Mad Men. Pretty soon some of the older people in the room start reminiscing about their first boss, who would head down to the corner pub around noon and take his calls at the bar the rest of the day. That’s when it hit me: Baby Boomers have single-handedly destroyed the concept of 4-martini lunches and generally getting toasted at work.
Just a few decades ago, it was expected that any businessman worth his salt had at least a bottle of scotch perched on the credenza. In fact, since the dawn of time, humans have spent the majority of their waking life at least slightly inebriated, if not completely shitfaced. It’s what kept people from giving up on life when they spent 14 hours a day farming mud, only to return home to their hovel to eat dirt and potatoes.
Then the baby boomers came along, and in just one generation destroyed the great American institution of being lit on the job. Now I can’t have one beer at lunch without having to swallow a gallon of mouthwash and a bag of mints, lest I bump into the office snitch at the water cooler and that bitch accuses me of being an alcoholic (again).
It’s not like I’m operating a forklift or piloting a 727. I’m sitting at a desk, staring at a fucking MacBook for 8 hours a day, while it turns zeros and ones into ten page email discussions about whether the copier has enough blue toner to print the shitty 32-page report that the boss wrote and no one will read (Re:Re:Re:Re:Fucking magnets, how do they work?). But I digress.
The parents of the baby boomers lived through the tough times of the Great Depression and gave their lives during World War II, so they felt justified in spoiling their kids rotten. But unfortunately, just like with countless other things, the end result was the baby boomers taking a hallowed tradition and completely destroying it.
Well you know what, boomers? If I can’t have a drink at lunch, then I’m going to stop showing you how to use the printer twenty fucking times a day. No, I don’t know why your PDF won’t print correctly. This mysterious magic box is an enigma to me too. Actually, on second thought, tell you what: I’ll show you how to make it stop printing in landscape if you go make me a goddamn martini. And get me a cigar while you’re at it. It’s about time we got some class around here.
- TSC, Nov 11, 2010
